


all this time and i still blush when you hold my hand

by thunderserum



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Awkward Tsukishima Kei, Couch Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kageyama Tobio is a Good Significant Other, M/M, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, because they are dating they call each other by their given names, kageyama gives tsukishima a manicure, tsukishima wears kageyama's clothes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:33:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderserum/pseuds/thunderserum
Summary: a short oneshot where tsukishima is stressed because of his midterm and kageyama takes care of him afterwards
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 137





	all this time and i still blush when you hold my hand

**Author's Note:**

> this is for nicole. enjoy your lanky volleyball boys being soft <3

Kei felt like the walls around his bedroom were going to cave in on him at any moment. His headache intensified with the clicking of his fingers against his laptop keyboard. He just needed to finish a few more codes and then he could take a break. _Just a few more_ , he thought. 

Of course he had been saying this since 2:30 when he got home from his morning classes. It was well past 9:30 and he hadn’t moved an inch from his desk chair since returning to his bedroom. _Tomorrow’s midterm determines whether or not I get an A in the course. I have to pass. I_ **_have_ ** _to._

A crane was forming in his neck and lower back from being hunched over for hours, but he didn’t bother trying to get rid of the knotting pain. It would only reform in a few minutes and it trying to get rid of them would just lead to distractions. Kei was so tired. No, that was an extreme understatement. 

Kei was fucking exhausted. 

The light from his laptop strained his eyes, causing him to rip off his glasses. _I need to keep going. But if i don’t take a break soon_ … 

He rubbed his eyes aggressively, sighing when he saw stars blur his field of vision. Shuffling to the kitchen, he grabbed a face and neck towel from the hallway closet and put a kettle on the stove. He poured the hot water into a bowl and layed the face towel over the steaming water. He placed the neck towel over his head and brought the bowl over to the coffee table in the living room. He leant over the bowl and closed his eyes.

_Maybe this will relax me._

Realistically, Kei had nothing to worry about. His GPA was almost perfect, and he knew most of the code combinations like the back of his hand. But the tightness in his chest wouldn’t leave him. Why he was so nervous, he didn’t know. He took a deep breath through his nose. The tightness only got worse somehow. 

_You’re fine. You can handle this on your own._

Kei didn’t know when his hands began to shake, but he tried to steady them by gripping the ends of the coffee table. He felt hot tears begin to soak his cheeks, sliding down his neck in heaps as the minutes passed by. He was so fucking tired. _I hate this feeling._

The click of the front door unlocking was unbeknownst to Kei. The blood pumping through his ears rang through his brain like a gunshot. 

“Hey, sorry I’m home so late. I stayed behind with some of the guys to run some more drills and jot down defence tips in my journal for next week’s game. _But_ I brought home your favourite frozen yogurt and those fat free pretzels you love so much. I think that’s enough of an apology for missing dinner, don’t you–– Kei?”

Tobio’s voice brought Kei back to reality but he couldn’t move his head to look up. His body was cold and he felt frozen in place. The tears still hadn’t stopped.

“Hey, Kei. Are you alright?” His voice was more clear as he strutted through to the living room. Tobio sat on the couch next to the blond. He gently placed his hands on Kei’s arms. “Tsukishima, look at me. What’s wrong?”

Kei finally turned to look at his boyfriend. His bottom lip trembled and his eyes welled with tears at the sight of Tobio’s worried expression. His piercing blue eyes searched him with concern and his grip on his arm tightened. Kei felt like he was going to be sick. 

A choked noise rose out past the blond’s lips, it was too quiet to be considered a sob, and soon his shoulders were shaking as he began to cry again. Arms wrapped around his body and his face rested in Tobio’s chest as he sobbed himself to a totally different type of exhaustion. The black haired boy rocked him softly, humming whenever Kei blubbered an incoherent apology. 

He hated when Tobio saw him this way. Vulnerability was not his strong suit. He didn’t know what to do once his pride returned and he swallowed down his leftover feelings. There were only three times Tobio had ever seen Kei in such a state of hysteria and at first he was awful at handling it. When Kei first cried in front of him, he became so overwhelmed with emotion he started crying as well. 

However recently, he’s noticed that Kei didn’t need to be talked down from his panic attacks; he just needed to get through them. He only really ever felt this way because he spent upwards of weeks pushing his feelings down to the point that he would just explode. 

And at that moment, Kei has definitely exploded. 

Many minutes had passed by the time Kei had stopped crying. But he didn’t move from Tobio’s hold. His breathing had become rhythmic once again and his cheeks were mostly dry. Tobio was curling the ends of his hair in time with the rise and fall of the blond’s chest. 

“Is it your midterm that's coming up?” 

A nod. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

A head shake. 

“Do you wanna stay like this?”

A shrug. 

Tobio lifted Kei’s head so his chin rested against his chest. Kei’s eyes were red from his crying but also from just pure exhaustion. The bags under his eyes were a bluing grey and his eyelids were puffy and hooded. His skin was paler than usual and his hair was messy, probably from Kei constantly pushing his glasses on and off his face. The dark haired boy pushed his boyfriend’s hair off his forehead and stroked his thumb against his rough skin. He contemplated kissing it, but decided against it. Kei hated being babied, _especially_ after moments like this. 

Tobio chewed the inside of his cheek. “Do you trust me?” Kei nodded, nibbling on his bottom lip. He looked like a child from where Tobio sat. It would be kind of cute if it wasn't so sad “Okay. I want you to go shower and put on your grey hoodie. The one you wore during fall practice in high school. And put on the pair of sweatpants you always steal from my closet –– yes, I absolutely notice when you take it without asking. When you’re dressed, come back to the living room. We can watch a movie and eat that yogurt I was telling you about.”

A smile was etched across Tobio’s face. His eyes were soft, and genuine. They said _I love you_ in ways his voice could never convey. Kei leant up and gave his neck a small peck. He followed his boyfriend’s instructions and shuffled down the hall to the bathroom. He cringed at his reflection in the mirror; his eyes were puffy and his hair stuck up like he had been electrocuted. Kei can’t believe he let Kageyama see him like that. He knew the blue eyed boy didn’t mind, but he felt bad nonetheless. _He sounded so happy coming home. And I ruined it._

His shower was long and surprisingly refreshing. Mainly because it was boiling hot and he stood under the water immobile for a good ten minutes. The steam from how hot he set his shower released the tightness from his chest and the knots in his shoulders eased away with every pelt the water made on his skin. 

He thought about what he was going to return to once he got dressed. Once Kei exited the bathroom he walked into Tobio’s bedroom (they got the apartment before they started dating) and rummaged through his drawer for the black sweatpants he loved to steal for himself. Tobio was a centimeters shorter than Kei, so the pants were a little short on the legs if Kei pulled the waist of the pants up to his lower torso. He stood in the room for a moment before rummaging through his boyfriend’s closet for a t-shirt and hoodie. 

He knows his instructions were to wear his own hoodie. But there was a certain warmth to wearing Tobio’s clothes that Kei just couldn’t describe. The sweater he chose was soft from being worn out for so long. And it smelt like Tobio. Kei hugged himself and hid his face in his own shoulder to take a deep breath through his nose. 

He felt a wave of calmness rush through him for the first time all night. 

Shutting the door softly behind him, the blond shuffled down the hallway and into the kitchen to see Tobio pouring some fried white rice into two small bowls. Instrumental music played quietly throughout the room and he hummed along to it softly. 

_How does he always look so at peace?_

Blue eyes met brown when Tobio looked up from the stove. A small smile played at his lips. 

“You look much better,” Kei raised an eyebrow. He was surprised there were no comments about the sweater. “Not that you ever look bad.”

The blond sat down at their small dining table, mumbling a thank you when Tobio handed him his bowl of rice. Tobio sat across from him, quietly giving thanks for the food he made before beginning to eat. 

Kei picked at his food but didn’t take a bite. He wasn’t particularly hungry. 

“Please eat your food,” Tobio didn’t look up from his volleyball journal when he spoke. Kei just stared at him. “I know you didn't eat while studying and you’ll get sick just eating the ice cream.” 

Reluctantly, Kei ate his rice. It was the least he could do. Especially since Tobio was carrying on as if Kei wasn’t sobbing into his jersey just an hour before. He knew that’s what Kei wanted without him having to ask. 

Dinner went by quickly. They washed their dishes together in silence and walked over to the living room together. Tobio’s manicure kit sat on the coffee table, as well as muscle tension cream. Kei didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help but blush. He hesitated sitting down, but soon placed himself on the couch when Tobio patted the cushion next to him. Tobio turned to face him. 

“Hands or shoulders?”

“You don’t have to do this, Kageyama.”

“That’s not what I asked.” He gestured to the coffee table again as if to ask ‘So which is it?’. 

Kei sighed, pointing to the manicure kit. Tobio grinned, eagerly placing the kit in his hand. He held out his hand without looking up or saying anything, silently asking for Kei’s hand. Kei rested his fingers in Tobio’s palm and shivered slightly. 

He still felt electricity whenever their hands touched. 

Tobio didn’t notice the burn flush of Kei’s cheeks (or if he did he didn’t comment on it) as he gently filed his nails. They didn’t speak much as Tobio cared for the blond’s hands. The black haired boy hummed softly, focusing intensely. 

His mouth felt like sandpaper. “I’m sorry.” 

Tobio looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. “About earlier, when you got home.” No response. “I know when I––when I get like that it stresses you out.”

The blue eyed boy sat up straight with his lips in a pout. He usually did this when he was assessing a situation. Kei always had to refrain from grabbing his cheeks when he made that face. Tobio stopped filing Kei’s nails, and looped their fingers together and gave his hand a tight squeeze. 

“You’re so stupid.”

“Excuse me?”

“Kei, I–you know you never have to be like, _sorry_ , for having emotions around me right?” He picked at the lint on Kei’s collar. “I know that sometimes I’m not the best at reading people’s facial expressions or picking up on their feelings but I’m not completely clueless. Do you have that little faith in me.”

A pit dropped in Kei’s stomach. His tongue felt heavy as he stammered out, “No, no! That’s not what I meant!” 

A laugh passed through Tobio’s lips. Kei gave his shoulder a rough, but playful, shove. This makes Tobio laugh harder. 

“I was teasing you, dumbass.”

“Oh.” Kei cringes at the feeling of his cheeks flushing. 

“I’m still not very good at that, huh?” Tobio massaged hand lotion into Kei’s hand, a grin still playing at his lips. He was being extremely delicate with the blond’s hands, rubbing out the tension in his palms from typing and taking notes all the time. Kei leant forward and rested his head on Tobio's shoulders. Tobio gave the top of his head a kiss, resting his head on top of his boyfriends. 

“Do you still not wanna talk about earlier?

Tobio’s tone was gentle, but firm. Kei shrugged his shoulders. He sometimes wished Tobio wasn’t so insistent on making everything outwardly clear. 

“‘M just stressed, I guess.” _That’s a fucking understatement_.

“Why?”

When Kei looked up, Tobio was working his confused pout again. Blue eyes once again met brown, and a lump lodged its way into Kei’s throat. The blond shrugged again. This made Tobio frown. 

“Kei,” he started. He placed his hands on the other’s shoulders, squeezing tightly. “I won’t make you––I don’t wanna push you. But this isn’t…normal to be this stressed this often. Or healthy. We all get stressed but you––”

“I know.” He bites. The lump in his throat only got bigger when Tobio flinched. “I’m–I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“What?”

“Embarrassing.” Kei cursed himself when tears welled in his eyes again. He focused his gaze on the grey wall before him, refusing to look into Tobio’s eyes. “It’s so pathetic. You know what people think of me. That I’m mean, and smug and that I act so cool. That I’m such a smartass. But look at me. The slightless drop of stress and I cry over a stupid exam?

“I don’t know why I’m so anxious all the time or why I always think I’m gonna fail. _I know_ I’m smart. _I know_ that I’ve earned my spot in my courses and at school. I have nothing left to prove. But I still feel like it’s not good enough. That everyone else is so far ahead of me and that I’m gonna be left behind. And I know you’re gonna say that you understand and you feel the same way with volleyball but it’s–it’s not the same, Tobio. You’ve always been good enough. You’ve always had people tell you you’re amazing.”

“Kei, I tell you you’re amazing all the time.”

“And I appreciate that. But it’s just,” Kei fiddled with the ends of his sweater. He felt like such a child. “It doesn’t mean anything if I don’t feel it myself.”

Tobio let go of the blond boy’s shoulders and gently tucked one hand under his chin. He lifted Kei’s head up so that he had no choice but to look at him. The pad of his thumb stroked his cheek, catching the tears that trickled down his face. He sighed. 

“You don’t think I didn’t feel like this in high school? Or junior high? It may be different because volleyball isn’t school but it’s all relative, no?” Kei just shrugged again. “Look. I’m not the best with words, but I’m–I’m trying here. I know you think that all of this makes me feel weird and helpless, but you don’t have to go through this alone. I want you to feel like you can tell me when you’re feeling sad or uneasy. It’s what I’m here for. And I know that’s easier said than done and that I’m gonna mess up but that’s–that’s just how this goes, right?”

Kei sniffled with a nod. Tobio pulled him into his arms, one hand rubbing his back and the other playing with the ends of his hair. Because they were both so tall, Kei was half in his lap, half off the couch. Whenever they sat like this, Tobio always made a bad joke about how Kei looked like a big baby. Sometimes he would rock him back and forth and hummed some silly nursery rhyme he was sung as a kid. 

This was one of those times. 

Tobio pulled back to laugh at the scowl on Kei’s face. He squished Kei’s cheeks until the glare broke off into a smile. He then grabbed Tobio’s cheeks and stretched out his face until they were both laughing and fooling around on the couch. Somehow it ended up with them falling onto the floor with Kei pinning Tobio’s arms to the floor. His face hurt from laughing so much. 

Kei gently ran his hands through the blue eyed boy’s hair, twisting and curling the ends into his fingers. He moved himself off Tobio’s stomach and laid beside him on the floor. His cheeks began to burn when Tobio took his hand out of his hair and played with the blond’s fingers. Kei cleared his throat.

“Thank you.” He said, nibbling on his bottom lip. “For everything.”

Tobio just smiled, locking their fingers together and giving his hand another squeeze. It was his way of saying ‘you’re welcome’. 

“What would you like to do now?”

The blond scooted closer to his boyfriend, tucking his head into his shoulder. “Can we please stay like this?”

Tobio nodded, placing another kiss on top of his head. He laughed when Kei stirred, resting their hands on his chest. “I love you too.”

And maybe they stayed like that for the whole night, falling asleep on their living room floor. And maybe their backs were as stiff as their floorboards when they woke up the next morning. Kei would say that night, curled up against Tobio in his sweater, was the best he’d slept in weeks.


End file.
